Fave New Site

Always a goodie - Craig's List - but wait - there's more. The BEST OF CRAIG'S LIST!!

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/

Random hysterical smart alack postings from around the nation. Hubby just found this part of the site and we are still in hysterics. Below are few choice postings:

"please come pick up our gently used rocketship/boat/race car/fort/house/time machine. don't spend your 600 stimulus clams on your kids. give dubya the finger while you invest it and get them this!! it will be gone by thursday if no responses. i am 6'3" so it is obviously big enough to fly to the moon, cross the atlantic, win the indy 500, defend against invading raiders, do fake home remodeling projects, or travel back in time to tell your parents you don't want a crappy box. " (Insert picture of a refrigerator box.)

"Ferocious attack kitten is available for adoption to any home willing to accept him. This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you. Well-trained since 10-weeks of age to attack anything in his presence, he will protect your family from evil things, including the following: * insects * other trained attack kittens * babies * toilet paper * anything under a blanket * unwanted house guests * paper bags * floor rugs * Chuck Norris * Feet. Great with children (assuming you don’t like the children). Probably best used for professional catfighting. He is housebroken, but only because he wants to be. This attack cat has trained himself to seek out his food anywhere you hide it and rip the bag open to feed himself, great for those who travel extensively. Also trained to drink water out of toilet bowls and dishwater from items in the sink. Knows how to open some doors. He will find you wherever you hide. Neutered (trust me, you wont want to him to procreate). Has not been declawed, but you'll figure that out really fast. Understands and responds to a variety of vulgar and profane verbal commands. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear - however he will bite your face if you try to touch it. Willing to accept trades. Potential adopters must have experience with trained attack-kittens... please be prepared to show scars. For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house. "

"For Sale—One (1) Wife, slightly used, 1964 Model
Needs muffler, as it is currently VERY LOUD. Intake valve is stuck in the open position. Rear end needs major overhaul. A crack there has grown monstrously large. Needs re-wiring—Many wires are currently crossed. Lots of little dings in the body, which have been covered up with too much paint in a failed effort at camouflaging them. Needs re-upholstering—Carpet has turned a dingy gray. Needs front-end work--Tits are too close to the ground, and knees are too far apart. May not pass emissions test, as it currently produces foul clouds of malodorous gases on a regular basis, Heater works great. Hot air is never in short supply.. Asking $500 or trade for 1984 model. "

"Nonfuncnional Organic lawn mower
Free to a needy yard, one, two year old grumpy, mean and annoying so called minature goat, needs work, It won't eat weeds but will eat your shrubs and flowers,Is anti-social, which means that he does nothing but scream at you every time you go outside. The only time he's friendly is when your feeding him. He bullies his brother around. Really isn't too smart, he gets his head stuck in my fence almost on a daily bais, which has to be cut to remove him. The reason I'm getting rid of him is because after two years of trying, I realized I'm not a tree hugger and would rather mow my weeds than wait for the stupid goat to eat them. Now that you know what to expect from him, and your still interested keep in mind that I will not give him to someone just to make tacos out of. I want him to go somewhere to be a companion to a horse, or someone thats willing to put in the time to make him tame & friendly. He is cut so the billy goat thing isn't an issue. Below are a couple of pic's including his head stuck,and a pic of his replacement. "

"Dear Cat, I have some issues with you right now that I would like to hash out. And now is as good a time as any with you laying over my arms while I am trying to type on the computer. You don't even look comfortable and you can't breathe lying like that with your butt higher up than your head but your brain is the size of a walnut so I will forgive you. First of all, the litterbox. Is it your goal to poop on the rim of the box? Because if it is, bravo! Mission accomplished, you can stop now. You have proved your point. It is not funny anymore, and I have run out of sticks in the yard to clean it off with. The box is big enough, and you are still small, so don't even go there. Now... making pointless, incessant noises. If I take something away from you because I am tired of hearing it scoot across the floor for the last 2 hours, it does not mean to go find something else to mess with. I mean really where do you find this stuff? A wad of paper? A bottle cap? Is that really that fun to play with? I put things on the coffee table because I want them there. I do not want you to knock EVERYTHING off of the coffee table in one of your mindless "tearing ass through the house for no reason" adventures every single day. Once in a while, it is amusing. Every day, it's not that funny. Your ass stinks. I mean REALLY stinks. Like the worst poop you've ever smelled. Why do you smell soooo horrible? I thought cats were clean! I have never experienced this smelly, stinky cat phenomena with any other cat on this Earth. Why, God, did you give me the most stinky cat in this solar system? And Cat, why do you insist on showing me your ass? I know it stinks, but what am I supposed to do about it? Bathe you??? LOL! Remember the last time that happened? I still have the scars... Also, when you sit on my arm, please have the kindness to put your tail over your butthole so it doesn't come into contact with my skin. I might catch something. Lastly, I am allergic to you. I know this isn't your fault, but knowing this, why do you insist on rubbing the whole length of your body on my face? Okay... I just pulled a CATHAIR out of my eye. No wonder my eyes are itchy if you are purposefully depositing your dander into my eyes! What are you trying to prove here? That you know I'm stuck with you? While you're busy carrying things about the house in your mouth to deposit them into some area that I haven't discovered yet- would you mind bringing me a peice of sandpaper to me so that I can alleviate the itching you've caused me? Oh- while we're on this subject, I need my hair ties back- I know you have them. Thanks. "