So today is my six year bypass anniversary. Yippee. Sort of fitting that I spent a good three hours doubled over in the bathroom begging for death because I dared to drink water this morning.
What I am really thankful for after these six miserable years is that I am still alive. Believe me, I am well aware, this is all a disaster of my own making. One of many bad decisions I have made in a long lifetime of bad decision making - of which I am pretty sure I hold a record or have won a ribbon for. I have no one to blame but myself. I do realize that I have been able to beat the odds so to speak. Most people who have my surgery fail. Lucky me, with all my complications I have succeeded. At times so well, it nearly killed me. But I am still here for the time being. Still struggeling with all the same issues I had six years ago, just much weaker and far more in debt than I used to be. HA!
I am also thankful that I have not driven my poor husband insane and away from me. How he tolerates me and my self loathing, day in and day out is beyond me. I torture him relentlessly. Subject him to endless, winless battles. And yet he survives and somehow still loves in spite of it all. I will never understand why or stop appreciating him for it.
Originally I had intended to post a before and after picture, but decides against it. Mostly because I don't see too much difference in my own head and that still depresses me. But that is a twisted tale for another day..
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
